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Catriona McKenna

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January 15th, 2004

12:06 am: When the O'Bannon first started to visit our home, I was nervous, of course, but also baffled. Why on earth was he interested in a backwater branch of the McKennas? There he was, every time we returned from a voyage. Each visit made me more uneasy, but there were so many other fish in the pan--following the map that brought our little band together, discovering that Patrick was still alive, discovering that Patrick had a family before he died a second time--that I didn't have much time to think about it.

Not, I suppose, that thinking about it would've done much good. You might as well try and figure out why the wind blows west as figure out why the O'Bannon does anything. Kings and winds go in what direction it pleases them, and sometimes knock down what gets in their way.

With this last visit, however, things came a little more clear. While I have a suspicion that the O'Tooles started the gossip about the O'Bannon's sudden interest in the McKennas, he's clearly taken some care to expound on the gossip and give it some weight. I can understand his strategy--and for that alone I should be frightened. For whatever reason, he's decided that Patrick's infant daughter should be his next bride. Given the powerful aura of Glamour that hangs about her, I've no doubt he wishes to either use or protect her when she comes into her power. But to name her as such now would as good as place a target over her cradle. Of course, if he was looking for a more suitable target-bearer, he'd have done better to make Rahne his false betrothed...

But as of this morning, it seems that Rahne may have worries of her own in that respect. Poor Rahne. I don't think she ever expected anyone to court her. Neither one of us has gotten much of what we expected in that respect.

I was raised as the eldest daughter of a noble family. I was taught to be a lady, to keep a home, to take care of a husband and children. Then when Patrick died in the war, with Christopher already sworn to the Church, it fell to me to take care of the family estate. I had to learn new skills, and put aside much of what I'd learned. I expected to run the estate until I married, then settle back into the life I was raised for.

Then came the quest that Rahne pulled me into. I left behind my family obligations, and the need for most of my skills. So I learned new ones, once again. I expected to complete the quest, then come back home to Darwah, and settle back into the life I'd created as an adult.

I wasn't raised to play games with the King. I wasn't raised to fight in a war that I can't even see half the time. I do not know what skills I will have to learn to face this new life. Deep down, a part of me just wants to hide myself away, to try and go back to the girl I was raised to be.

When word came of a new suitor for Rahne, it cut me more than I expected. It was supposed to be me. I was supposed to be the one the suitors sought out. I was supposed to make a good marriage, have lovely children. And as far as all of Inismore is concerned, I've done just that. I've made the best match a maiden could hope for. I have to smile and keep on a pleasant face. But there won't be any match for me. Even when the O'Bannon leaves us again, it isn't as if I can pick up my life as it was before. Maybe, maybe when he comes back to wed Rose in ten or twenty years... but who would want me then?

I can't dwell on this. It doesn't matter. It can't matter. I was also raised to do my duty and obey my King. I was raised to cherish Inismore like my mother--and my mother needs me more than any husband or child ever could.

January 11th, 2004

11:00 am: Introductory thoughts
All I really wanted was to stay home and take care of the family estate in Inishmore. I wanted a quiet life in my quiet corner of the world. All I was supposed to do was translate a map for my sister Rahne so she could go off on some treasure hunt. And here, nearly two years later, I am: not only a seasoned traveler but thrown in the middle of Inish politics, never a comfortable place to be by any reckoning. I am by all reports betrothed to the O'Bannon, and by few if any reports charged with helping the sidhe protect his true future bride, my twice-dead brother's infant daughter.

My father once said, "The attention of the Good Folk is like strong pepper: a little pinch is a blessing, but a handful is more than any mortal man can bear." After a moment's pause, he added, "And that goes double for the O'Bannon."

I suppose I should be thanking my stars that I'm a woman.

(OOC: Probably more later when I have more time. After last night's game, Cat is quite talkative.)

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